This just in, the deadly Swine Flu has mutated into a new variant of the dreaded Conficker computer virus. WHO officials are urging everyone to turn off their computers immediately to avoid computer to person infection. WHO officials trace the first person-to-computer to a hospital on the United States-Mexico border. Apparently, a hospital nurse working in a health care facility overrun with Swine Flu cases was unaware she was infected with Swine Flu when she logged on to her FaceBook to post some new photos of herself in her special new, Swine Flu proof WHO issued hospital scrubs. The computer she was using did not have the latest Microsoft patch and the Swine Flu quickly jumped from her fingers, to the keyboard and infected the unpatched computer spreading itself to the Internet through her FaceBook account.
Now, as this devastating Swine flu continues to spread like wild fire across the world from person to person, computer to computer, person to computer, and so on, killing like 20 people worldwide, WHO continues to advise people wear the little white face masks and act like crazed chickens sensing an impending slaughter whenever someone close coughs or now, uses a computer. WHO Executive Director, Dr. Sally Who, assures everyone that these little white face masks protect against EVERYTHING, including all the known and unknown microbes, viruses, computer threats and unwanted and annoying e-mail spam. Sally Who likens the white masks to using duck and cover tactics in the 1960’s that kept us all the children safe from nuclear blasts. So when in doubt, Sally Who in WHOville says, “wear your white mask, and duck your head under your desk for safety anytime you hear someone cough, turn on a computer or hear a loud, ear splitting warning buzzer sound.”
After all, God does have a sense of humor and he often likes to take embarrassing photos of all us. Especially ones where we are acting like frenzied krill trying to escape a school of fish. God knows nothing gets us humans going better than a good old fashion plague. Panic. Misinformation. Pandemonium abound. And the best part is, God doesn’t even have to create a true killer virus anymore. It’s not like in the old days, when he had to whip up the Spanish Flu or the Bubonic Plague, heavens no! Nowadays, God just has to give the story to CNN that there is a “virus”, and the news reporters take it from there. No work, and all play, that’s God’s motto. As this is one reason God created news reporters, as he realized that their rush to be first to the story they wouldn’t check the facts, and thus, reporters turn a rumor into truth, and no one is the wiser. So remember to smile when you’ve got your head under your desk, as God may be watching! And you wouldn’t want to end up on HIS FaceBook account in some compromising position, or worse yet, as the latest hit video on HIS YouTube channel, would you? *cough, cough*
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